location, location

Me and my boyfriend just came back from our first real holiday together. it was a week long in beautiful Cairns in Queensland, AUS. Before we left, we were having the biggest fights in the history of fights, I think I was at the point of a nervous breakdown...I think I"m on the edge of a nervous breakdown actually. I was a bit worried about how we would go over the week away, it would be a lot of time to spend with someone, nowhere to hide. I was quiet suprised though, we actually did really well. We only had one spat over the whole period, and that was only on our last day there. Once we got home though, I felt the old pressures coming back. True to form, we had an argument just 2 days after being back. It made me come to a realisation, maybe my house, our house has somehow soaked up this bad karma, because we don't seem to get along that well at home, but we're fabulous outside of home. We seem to have fights in the spaces where we dwell most, i.e the car, the house. Maybe these places have an effect on the way we feel about each other...maybe I've gotta look into practising feng shui.

Location, location huh? It even links to how I feel about my body. Not being Australian, I think I feel the pressure to conform more than anyone who is from this country. Somehow this society is more body aware, in my home physical appearance does not hinder you from being happy. I don't think I've ever seen one guy check me out since I've been here, I really feel unnattractive. I didn't have that problem at home, I think Africans are just more accepting of you as a person. Maybe I lie...maybe I was just a whole different person back home, and that's why I was always surrounded by guys. Not just because they thought they had a chance with me, but just because they wanted me in their life, as a friend as well. Maybe I was more fun than i am now.

Those matters aside though, I am feeling very optimistic about my new body venture, I think this is going to pay off because I'm starting to understand that it's going to be a long journey and it's going to be a lot of work.