Learning Curves

I have finally got my blog urge back. Not sure why, I guess I just need somewhere to vent again, help me work out what's going on in my head. The last time I blogged, I was going down the drain, but I came out of that ok, went on to excercise, joined the gym again, got addicted to spin cycle classes and then moved house and quit the gym cos it was no longer in my suburb. I haven't rejoined a gym, but we bought a treadmill and for a while I was treading with the best of them.
I have lost it.
I have not excercised for almost 2 months now, and I'm feeling the effects, but I"ve just lost the drive and passion for pain that I used to have for excercise.
I have however gone on a proactive food control approach...i.e I'm in a diet. I don't know why, but it seems kind of easier to focus on the food side and ignore the exercise. Although I lie, I have had the occasional binge, which kind of sucks because I've developed this twisted mentality that because my diet is so restrictive, that piece of chocolate cake here, that handful of chips there really don't count because I've been so good when I'm not eating the junk. I know, but in my head it's completely logical.
I have also weighed myself...I hadn't done that for a while either, just another coping method to help me avoid the issue at fat, I mean hand. I am the heaviest I've ever been ever. I really need to focus.
Maybe this time I will.
I think I can I think I can I think I can I think I can I think I can I think I can I think I can I think I can.