sumo wrestlers, underwear models

so, got paid today, and i bought the fat monitor scales like I said i would. I don't yet know if it was actually a good idea. turns out it's worse than i thought, apparently according to my sources, sumo wrestlers are suppossed to be about 25% body fat, me I clocked in at 35%!!! Great start. I'm actually in denial at the moment...it is a lot depressing. so i'm sitting here blogging, and watching telly. victoria's secret fashion show is on...I wish i had a big bucket of fries or some miracle pill. A few days ago I was feeling real confident, I couldn't wait to start on this journey, I should learn that confidence is a little fickle with me. So after realising how good i was going, i decided to jeopardize it, haven't excercised in the last 2 days, so I feel like crap. I ahve to remember that even though there are no changes in my physical appearance right now, that knowing that I am working on it is such a big confidence boost that I don't think i can afford to do without it. I think I still think some miracle will happen and everything will fall into place all without me lifting a finger...I mean it seemed to work in the opposite direction didn't it? I mean one moment I was this carefree girl who didn't really care what she looked like cos she was normal, then the in the next scene i wake up this fatty who's every thought is consumed by weight and weightloss. My first thought when I see anyone looking at me on the street is because they can't believe how someone so fat actually has the nerve to walk down the street. I really need some help. I don't feel too good.