doldrums

today was crap, i felt really horrid all day. working in a lab, i have started using my lab coat as an ally to hide my body, so when i'm in the lab i feel really good. as soon as i walk outside and notice people looking at me, all my body hangups come to surface. I hate it when people look at me cos i think they're asking themselves how i let myself get this way without doing anything about it. I think i feel even worse when i haven't been excercising cos it means that i haven't been doing anything about it, i.e confirming their thoughts. I think I am becoming neurotic. i have realised that taking care of myself has to come before anything else. for instance, last night, I was busy on the internet until 2am, my plan had been to wake up and excercise before work, to counteract another one of my vices...if i don't do it in the morning when I am mindless, I won't do it any other time as I shall have created every convenient excuse not to do it. So, having slept for only 5hrs, I was in no shape to excercise, so I didn't do it because I couldn't hack it.

So this is reason enough for me to want to implement the other thing that I have been telling myself that I will do...get 7-8 hours of sleep every night if possible, so that I am well rested and ready to take on the day...and my bike, or my walk, or my swim or those weights!! To be quite honest, this is probably going to be really tough for me because I always find other things to do that keep pushing my bed time further and further back. But if I don't do it then my health suffers, surely this is reason enough.