A word on self control

I had a fight with the boy today, but I didn't cry like I usually do. It was really hard, but I didn't do it. Instead, I had a brilliant idea, a left over from the old days when my head wasn't screwed on right (not like I'm much better now). So I thought to myself how nice it would be to just go to the bathroom, stick two fingers in my mouth and make myself throwup. Because in my screwed up mind in some way making myself throw up meant I had regained control of the situation.
Good news though, I didn't do this either. I just made myself a mug of calming camomile tea, and proceeded to ignore B for boy until I was satisfied that I was again in control and I wouldn't cry.
Better news though, since starting this blog, I have lost 2 kilos, I suspect it has something to do with those darn fat monitor scales. I'm kinda tired of seeing those horrible statistics. I'll come clean, (I hope my little sister doesn't read this, I think she'd be shocked). I currently weigh 103kg at 5'6". I don't know what my waist, hips, breast measurments are, I don't want to know. However, I do realise that withholding this information from myself is counterproductive, as not only do I not know how well I have progressed, but also because I am denying myself the chance to be proud of my achievements. This however, is the heaviest I have ever been, and whilst I've always been a big girl, even my dad was a bit shocked at how much weight I have put on lately. See, my dad recently came to visit me in Australia from africa, I hadn't seen him in about 3yrs so there was a lot about me he didn't know and was just confronted with.
So, even if I don't feel comfortable about it, I shall post all my stats sometime this week, so that the truth sets me free. I think this is a good way for me to be in control of the situation.