Learning Curves

I have finally got my blog urge back. Not sure why, I guess I just need somewhere to vent again, help me work out what's going on in my head. The last time I blogged, I was going down the drain, but I came out of that ok, went on to excercise, joined the gym again, got addicted to spin cycle classes and then moved house and quit the gym cos it was no longer in my suburb. I haven't rejoined a gym, but we bought a treadmill and for a while I was treading with the best of them.
I have lost it.
I have not excercised for almost 2 months now, and I'm feeling the effects, but I"ve just lost the drive and passion for pain that I used to have for excercise.
I have however gone on a proactive food control approach...i.e I'm in a diet. I don't know why, but it seems kind of easier to focus on the food side and ignore the exercise. Although I lie, I have had the occasional binge, which kind of sucks because I've developed this twisted mentality that because my diet is so restrictive, that piece of chocolate cake here, that handful of chips there really don't count because I've been so good when I'm not eating the junk. I know, but in my head it's completely logical.
I have also weighed myself...I hadn't done that for a while either, just another coping method to help me avoid the issue at fat, I mean hand. I am the heaviest I've ever been ever. I really need to focus.
Maybe this time I will.
I think I can I think I can I think I can I think I can I think I can I think I can I think I can I think I can.

Coffee Snitch-really, it's coffee "other word that rhymes with snitch, but I can't write that cos I dont' want to curse in case my sister reads this"

So,
have had a couple of interesting days at work, we were being accredited to provide fertility services. My days were interesting because I was in a position I have rarely been in. As I am just training, have only been in this position for 3 weeks or thereabouts, I could not do anything much to help, so most of the time I felt like I was doing nothing but getting in everyone's way and being a nuisance. At least it was fuel for my workouts cos I felt so crappy after work that the only thing I felt would be any good was go to the gym and sweat. You know how when you work out really hard there's nothing at all in the world that can break through that barrier of pain you've created...I really craved that pain so I couldn't think. Well anyhow, we were assessed today, and everyone did brilliantly (except me, cos I didn't know what the hell was going on, therefore couldn't answer any questions). I'm really glad that's over and done with so things can get back to normal.
Confession time. I bought a product today on a whim, a spur. I'm not really seeing results in my workout i.e I may be getting fitter or think I'm getting fitter, but instead of losing any weight, I'm seeing really, really big flactuations in my weight. I put on about 4kg in the space of about 4 days, that's a kilo a day, I don't even know if anyone can actually eat that many calories. But it happened to me, and now I have to fix it. So I went out on a limb, and bought one of those fad weightloss supplements. I'm still toying with whether or not to take it, cos I just read some product reviews and some of the side effects are just not that glamorous. I know, sucked into the quick fix regime instead of doing it the honest way probably get's you in more trouble than not. I just want something to kickstart the weight drop so that I feel like all the work I'm doing at the gym is not going to waste cos I feel really demoralised at the moment.
Speaking of demoralisation, since I've changed jobs I have been unable to come to terms with the horrible coffee at the one decent outlet we've got close to work. So I decided to get a travellers mug so I could get coffee from my favourite place so as not to suffer with horrible coffee. PLUS, I am a soy coffee drinker (ya, tell me about it) so if a coffee is bad with soy milk in it, then you're in for a real treat...mmmmh (NOT). So, as it turns out, the place I get my coffee at doesn't carry travellers mugs, but guess who does...STARBUCKS!! Needless to say, I bought one of these wonderful inventions and took it promptly to Guru where all coffee beans wish to end up one day. You can imagine my feelings when the barista chick told me that she didn't think I should be drinking her coffee out of a mug that say's "starbucks" on it, when first of all, they don't have travellers mugs of their own and secondly, I am paying for the bloody coffee anyways, so she wasn't doing me any favours anyway!!!!!
My question is this, when is it that shop assistants, waitressess and all those people in the service industry draw the line? I don't think I want to go back there for some more lip. Spoiled my day. However, with those new supplements I was speaking about earlier, I can't drink coffee or tea anymore, so maybe problem solved. But talk about having some nerves!
Ok, that was my whinge for the day.

mmmhhh rest & relaxation

I'm back from break, which means back to work tomorrow and back to my normal routine. I didn't get any exercise in at all over the week I was away, which I felt really guilty about. I hope all the walking on the beach and sightseeing covered for some of the appalling eating I did (thank the powers that be that most of my meals consisted of low fat seafood). I had a really good time. We went away to a quiet little beachside town and our accommodation was right on the waterside. Pity I forgot my camera, what you say, in this day and age when even toothbrushes have camera and answering machine features? ...it was beautiful. Apparently this spot is famous for whale sightings, but we were out of season. That didn't stop me from imagining I'd seen something out in the water at every chance I got. I did get the last laugh though, because I was sitting in our room this once looking out over the water and I did see something!! It was so classic, just a big spout of water and something did a jump out of the water. Poor B for Boy had to calm me down I was so hysterical. Turns out we saw the first sighting of whales for the season...We were not out of season after all. Talk about global warming messing with nature's timeframe...bad humans, bad humans!! Anyhow, it was all whales that day, and this was the highlight of the week away. Me and B for Boy actually came home earlier than planned, which was good. There's nothing like being home on a weekday when everyone's at work to convince you that you're away on holidays...he he he!
Ok, so now I'm looking forward to getting into work and exercise again. Went to weights yesterday and I'm scared to move now cos some body parts are singing. I am actually looking forward to going to work tomorrow, I can't wait until I actually know what the hell it is I'm doing at work so that I can become good at it.
To new beginnings.

OUCH!!

Hello blog(gers)
I return with tales of adventure and pain and quest. Tales of sweat and pride and achievement. Ok, I went back for more pain yesterday, I did the spin class again. I think I'm hooked. It was sooo hard, but I did it, and I felt great. So I think i'll be going back next week...actually, probably the week after. Me and B for Boy are going away for a well earned week of sun, sand and surf, maybe not surf but a surfy-like setting... so we could surf if we wanted to, or rather if we could surf. I can't wait, I'm tired to the bone and I need the rest. So unfortunately I've only just got back into blogging but I gotta go again. I will hopefully not get into bad habits while I'm away and come straight back into blogging. Hopefully I've got a lot more to say then. Gym today was boring, I just did a leg workout and I feel its starting to hurt already. Those walking lunges are killers...and i didn't even do that many of them. I take a rest day tomorrow, then weights on saturday then away to the coast, YAY!!
Ok, will post when I get back. Good weekend to all!

Settled

Ok, I have been away for a while now and I didn't think I would be coming back but I realise now that this is a good forum for me to be in even if I have probably lost all my readers by now. I still think it's a good place to vent. Ok, update time. I finally got my job!!! I am really loving going to work at the moment. The only thing I have ever wanted as an employee is to have a career in a field that makes it worth it to wake up in the morning to go to work...and now I have it!! I'm very excited.
On the weightloss stakes, I'm still in the race, but struggling. I'm just happy that I still have the drive to do it and I am realising how much work I still need to do and how much effort it will take to finish what I've started. I actually reached a new state in my relationship with excercise. I was a litle depressed about something today and the only think I thought would make me better is to have a really hard, long, sweaty workout. So I went to the gym and decided that I would do the spin cycle class they have on at 5.30. Ok, keeping in mind that I've only done it once before and almost killed myself, I still just went up and put my hand up to join the class. I loved it! It was exactly what I needed. I think it has a lot to do with making myself feel better by proving that I can do the hardest thing I can think of and enjoying all my efforts...best kind of confidence boost! So I think I'm a spin cycle convert, I put my name down for tomorrows class!! However, right now my head is too jumbled up to think straight, I just had an argument with B for boy so feeling like shit. I will write later as I have no wonderful insights to give now and I'm feeling a little flat.
it's good to be back.

Friends forever, forever friends.

I am so happy today, I feel like I have awakened a renewed person. I met up with one of my dearest and oldest girlfreinds today. I have 2 friends that I know will be with me till the end. I trust them implicitly and adore them half to death. These two girls are so similar, which I guess is why I like them so much. I like knowing that it doesn't matter at what stage of life I am that I will have someone who accepts me as I am and who appreciates that I accept them as they are as well. We have a funny relationship. We may not talk or see each other for months on end, only catch up in emails or the occasional phonecall, or chat on messenger, but funny that when we actually do see each other it's like there hasn't been a lapse of any kind, it's like we've been neighbours and seen each other everyday. For me, there's something comforting about knowing where you stand, knowing that even if you haven't seen each other that they know they're always in your thoughts, and vice versa. I know you have to work on relationships to make them work, no matter if it's with a boy, or even just girlfriends, but sometimes some people are such an effort you know...having to call or email or be forgotten, or having to meet-up all the time to re-affirm your undying affection for each other...for me it just gets too much and with some people I find myself having to syke myself up to be around them, I find them draining. Which is why I appreciate these two friends heaps. They're like family and y'all know how I feel about family.
I hope you all had/are having a great weekend.

The truth will set me free...I hope

Ok, so wonder of wonders, the scales have finally caught up with what my pants have been telling me for a while now. I finally showed a noticable loss on the scales, considering it's around TOM, I was very suprised, cos I'm one of those water retainers. So very happy on that front.

Ok, I will admit it, I am addicted, I am addicted to the smooth, gooey, flowing caramel, the crunchy, yummy buttery buiscuit base and the non-descript chocolate. I love looking at the red writing on the gold wrapper, before tearing it open, sometimes slow, sometimes fast and taking that first bite as my brain explodes with such things as "oh, MY GOD!! I LOVE YOU FOR INVENTING" or "yes, Yes, YES!!!!!!!!!!!!" as a huge amount of endorphins courses through my veins, and I quickly disregard the sane part of me thats trying to remind me how good I was all day, how hard I worked at the gym, how instead of having fish and chips for lunch I chose brown rice, veggies and tuna (which I actually enjoy). For that one moment, I am consumed, I my friends, am addicted to Twix. I love those little twin towers of chocolatey, caramely, buiscuity goodness. I realise that this is a by-product of my childhood, and the fact that they are on sale at the shops for 99cts a pop, but for the moment I can't stop eating them, one a day. My love for twix is so all consuming that I get a bit irritated if plans change and I can't go to the shops after work like I usually do to get my hit. I don't know, maybe it's ok cos I find that if i have my twix to look forward to, I don't seem to indulge as much in other things. I guess now I just have to find a way to limit this to once or twice a week, cos everyday is going to catch up with me on the weights stakes.
I can't wait for the weekend, we have long weekend here, so no work on monday..WOOHOO!!!
Ok, off to bed. A good weekend to all.